Double Interrogation
by CeliaEquus
Summary: "Both sides were in agreement over the one point; which is why Steve Rogers was hustled into an interrogation room, and Phil Coulson into the one next door." And so begins a dual interrogation of two pining twerps. Or are they? Disclaimer: I don't own the Avengers, or any other Marvel thingummies, nor am I making money from this. Capsicoul for you!


"Double Interrogation"

There were two distinct groups, a definite division. Yet both sides were in agreement over the one point; which is why Steve Rogers was hustled into an interrogation room, and Phil Coulson into the one next door. Both rooms were carefully sound-proofed, separated by an electronic two-way mirror which had yet to be activated.

* * *

Steve wondered what was going on when he was shoved into a chair, facing the stern expressions and crossed arms of some of the scariest people he knew he'd ever meet. Nick Fury was in the centre of the line-up, flanked on one side by Agents Barton, Romanov, and Sitwell, and by Agent Hill, Miss Potters, and Tony on the other. He gulped.

"What did I do?" he asked.

"What are your intentions towards Agent Phillip Coulson?" Fury said. Steve couldn't stop the blush forming on his suddenly-hot cheeks.

"I don't know what you're talking about," he said.

"Don't lie to us," Clint said. Steve's eyebrows furrowed as he look at his team-mate.

"I-I'm not lying—"

"You do know who you are speaking to, don't you, Captain Rogers?" Natasha said.

"What? Wait, what's going on? Why're you asking me about my intentions towards Agent Coulson?"

"Your romantic intentions," Hill clarified. Steve tried to get his mouth to work again.

"I-I… romantic intentions? I don't…" But he couldn't finish the lie, and looked away. "What makes you think I'd even be interested?"

"That's kind of what we've been wondering," Tony said. Steve didn't smile at the way he and Miss Potts were arm-in-arm, like he usually did.

"I don't understand…"

"If you're thinking about putting the moves on our frie— our co-worker," Sitwell said, "we want to know why."

"Why wouldn't I?" Steve said without thinking. His eyes widened. "I mean, he's a nice guy and all. Is it so crazy someone might want to… to have romantic intentions with him?" His blush just got worse.

"Would you get together with Agent because he's a fan of Captain America, and would be swept off his feet easily?" Tony asked, leaning forward. Miss Potts kept a hand on his chest. "`Cause that wouldn't end well, if you know what I mean. And it wouldn't be fair on him."

"I… I…" Steve was definitely having trouble remembering how to form coherent sentences.

"We all care about Phil, and if you break his heart…" Miss Potts didn't need to finish her threat; she just glanced at everyone else in the line. They all straightened further (which Steve didn't think possible), and managed to look even more intimidating.

"Look," he said, placing his hands on the table in plain sight, "this… this depends…" He inhaled and exhaled slowly, kick-starting his brain and his tongue. "This is all dependent on us dating. And you said it yourself." He gestured at Tony. "He's a fan of Captain America. He wouldn't be interested in me. I'm… I'm just the guy behind the mask and the shield." He shrugged, and his head drooped. "There's no reason he would want just… just plain old Steve Rogers." He glanced at Tony. "And that wouldn't be fair on me, either."

* * *

In the next interrogation room, Phil was having a staring contest with each of the people in front of him. The former Winter Soldier, Bucky Barnes, was front and centre, and that was formidable enough; Captain America's legendary best friend, and a trained assassin to boot. Also in the room were Bruce Banner, looking less timid than usual (but nowhere near Hulk-level anger, thank God), Thor, Jane Foster, Eric Selvig, and Darcy Lewis. He had no idea why civilians were there, and how they'd managed to get into the building. His phone had been confiscated, so he had no way of contacting Fury.

"What's going on?" he said.

"Nothing, _yet_," Barnes said. He could give Phil a serious run for his money in a stare-down. "That's why we're here. We want information."

Phil's lips twitched. "I don't have to tell you anything. Although I have to admit, I'm curious. Why are you all here? And why do you have my phone?"

"Okay, my bit of payback," Miss Lewis said, patting her pocket and smirking. "Don't think I'll ever forget the theft of my iPod."

"And we didn't want to raise the alarm," Selvig said.

"Can I inquire about your presence in this building, Dr. Selvig?"

"The others are otherwise occupied," Bruce said, stroking the side of his glasses.

"Therefore, it is left to us to represent our shield brother Steven Rogers!" Thor boomed. Phil nearly winced at the volume.

"What's wrong with Captain Rogers?" he asked, trying not to worry.

"Again, nothing yet," Barnes said. "We need to clear up a few things for when you decide to pursue a relationship with him."

"R-relationship? What are you talking a—"

"You obviously have a thing for Steve Rogers," Dr. Foster said. "I only see the two of you every so often, but even I can see it. And Thor keeps me updated whenever he's back from Asgard." She paused. "And apparently the man who sees everything has seen it, too."

"Verily, Heimdall himself knows of your feelings," Thor said, nodding solemnly. "Should you act upon these desires, we must know your motives."

"Um…" Phil wasn't used to being at a loss. "Right. I have no idea what you want to hear from me."

"He's Captain America," Barnes said, planting his hands on the table and leaning forward into Phil's personal space. The agent remained still. "You have a clear admiration for Captain America. How do we know you don't just have a crush on him, and don't care about Steve Rogers at all?"

"Wha…? I don't know what you mean."

"Lying makes me angry," Bruce said. Phil noticed his eyes turning hazel, and changed tacks.

"I'm perfectly aware that Steve Rogers is just playing a part as Captain America," he assured them. "But surely you see that he embodies everything that Captain America is, and stands for? Captain America comes from him. Captain America punched 'Hitler' dozens of times for people. Steve Rogers was in the Howling Commandoes, and crashed a plane into the Antarctic to save the world. I know the difference. They're both admirable men. But the costume aside, I've never worked with Captain America. I work with Captain Rogers." He smiled to himself. "I wouldn't have it any other way," he whispered.

"Sounds good enough to me," Miss Lewis said, looking at the others. "I'd say he's free to go, and we can get back to work."

"Why do you even want to know this?" Phil said. "It's all academic, so why the interrogation?"

"Academic?" Barnes asked, cocking his head.

"Yes. You make it sound like he would be interested in something between us, that he wouldn't say no if I… if I asked him out." Phil hoped his face wasn't turning pink. He looked terrible when he blushed. "I haven't got a patch on him. He's brilliant in every way: brave, smart, handsome, kind, artistic. And old-fashioned. I've always had a thing for old-fashioned." He at least trusts no one in this room to blackmail him. "There's nothing I can offer him that he can't get somewhere else, stronger, in a better package."

* * *

There was a resounding silence for half a minute or so. Of course, Tony Stark had to be the one to break it.

"Just so you know, Agent's getting the same treatment next door," he said, and Steve looked up at him, perplexed. "Yeah. And it's being recorded." His cell phone beeped, and he read whatever message must have come through. Meanwhile, Steve was worried about what was happening to Phil. "Okay. Bringing through his answer now."

He brought up a screen, and Steve watched, heart in his throat, as Bucky interrogated the poor agent.

"…_haven't got a patch on him… brilliant in every way… There's nothing I can offer him that he can't get somewhere else…_"

"No," Steve said, shaking his head. "He can't think that. Why would he _think_ that?"

And he stood up.

* * *

"Do you know what's happening in the next room?" Miss Lewis asked, jerking her head forwards.

"I imagine that someone else is being asked these same questions," Phil said, remaining calm on the outside. Inside, his brain was screaming one name on repeat.

"That's right," Barnes said. "Steve."

"I thought so."

"We've been recording it," Jane said, playing around with her phone. She smiled. "Want to see what's been going on?"

In the next moment, she was shoving the mobile in his face, and he had to lean back to see clearly. It was Steve, and he was talking. Phil could see the back of Fury's head, but nobody else. His heart began to pound frantically.

"…_fan of Captain America. He wouldn't be interested in me… just the guy behind the mask and the shield… plain old Steve Rogers._"

"What?" Phil hissed, gripping the edge of the table. He glanced at the others. "Thank you, Dr. Foster. I have somewhere else to be."

* * *

Before either groups could stop them, Phil and Steve burst out of the rooms and into the corridor. Their eyes met; they stared at each other for a moment.

Next thing, they were embracing with enthusiasm, lips meeting between words, while everyone watched.

"Talked about this before," Steve said, before attacking Phil's neck with tiny kisses. The agent moaned softly.

"We have," he said. "How could you think—"

"How could _you_ think? You're perfect to me, Phil. How many times do I need to tell you that?"

"About as many times as I have to reassure you, I guess," Phil said, a hand skimming up to the back of Steve's neck. "I sold the trading cards, including the ones my parents gave me for graduation. Didn't that tell you anything?"

Steve breathed out shakily. "I can't help feeling insecure. I've always felt insecure."

Phil stroked his chest, then used his other hand to tug Steve down into a kiss. This was nothing new to them; but it was more intense this time, and soon both had to break away to breathe.

"Is this because we haven't made it public?" Steve whispered. "Because if that's what it takes… I'll do anything to show you, Phil, honest."

Phil sighed, now caressing Steve's hair. "Captain America's identity is a secret. And it's Steve Rogers I've been dating these past five months, not some national icon. I just wanted to protect you."

"I wanted to protect _you_," Steve said. Phil smiled, and kissed him. Steve didn't let him go until, once again, the need for air prevailed.

"Five. _Months_?"

It was Pepper who spoke. Everyone jumped, including the two lovebirds, and turned to her. She looked livid.

"Yeah…" Steve trailed off. Phil scratched the back of his head awkwardly.

"About that, Pep," he began.

"You've been dating someone for _five months_, and you never told me?"

"You never told _any_ of us!" Natasha said, also scowling.

"We're telling you now," Steve said, grasping Phil's hand. Agent and super soldier smiled at one another. "To be honest? I'm surprised no one's caught on yet."

"Very shameful," Phil said, shaking his head. It was a good out. "You should do better next time."

"Actually…" It was one of the juniors, Agent (-in-Training) Hardy. "We've kind of known for awhile, sir. Only about seven or eight weeks. But." He brightened considerably. "This settles the betting pool. I think I had my money on six months?" He tilted his head, then shrugged. "Better go and tell everyone. Good thing there are cameras everywhere. We have evidence!" And he disappeared. Phil turned to Fury.

"Good to know the younger generation is so observant," he said. Steve giggle-snorted. It was cute, coming from him. "On that note, I've got a soldier to seduce— I mean, convince, so if you'll excuse me." He pulled Steve in the direction of his quarters. Steve waved a cheery goodbye.

The Avengers, senior agents, and other 'intelligences' were all left behind, gaping like idiots, and wondering how they'd missed this.

Oh well. They'd just claim that the double interrogation was a joint shovel talk.

* * *

**You can't stop the Capsicoul. Nobody can stop the Capsicoul.**

**If I get the Village People stuck in my head, it will be nobody's fault but my own.**

**On the plus side, more Cap-Coulson stuff for you! Hurray!**

**The giggle-snort was in honour of one of my loyal readers. *Stern face* You know who you are, m'dear.**


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